Whew! Long day today, but an extremely productive one. I sat in a meeting today as a group of professionals discussed what interventions to use for a child who is having behavioral problems. (I have masters in Social Work with a concentration in School Social Work) During the meeting I watched a teacher break into tears as the team attempted to give her suggestions on things to help this child. She was so passionate yet drained with the work she is doing, that the only way to express her feelings was through crying. Two things occured to me: 1) I miss being passionate about work and 2) how different would our schools be if ALL teachers cried and felt compassion for all their students?
I remember graduating from graduate school with high hopes! I was going to be the social worker who made a huge difference in the lives of others. I was going to change the way social work was practiced and lead others into a new wave of interventions and innovative thinking. Fast forward two years (yes, two years) and I find myself sitting in meetings with an unfilled dream. Often wondering if I will ever find the social work job to satisfy my need, I spend countless hours searching for a job. I've found that recently I fill a sense of guilt for searching for my dream job. How dare I look for a job when there are so many living without jobs, at all? For crying out loud...I'M EMPLOYED!! Many days I see myself as selfish for continuing my job hunt, but most days, I happily type in www.careerbuilder.com because it provides a sense of hope for me. Yes, hope. The audacity to believe that my dream job lies on the many websites I search time and time again, keeps me going. I'm not sure if this even makes sense, but it seems to work for me! In fact, I won't even spend time thinking about the school system right now (that will come later) because I think reflecting on career satisfaction is on my heart this evening.
Everyday I think about the countless Oprah shows, Nightline segments, etc. that showcase people who are making a difference in the lives of others. Everyday I think about people who enjoy the work they do, and find it fulfilling. At the end of the day I thank God for allowing me to enjoy and love the people I work with, and the children I serve. Sadly, I must say that I don't have that 'fulfilled' feeling that I so desire from work. I'm not even sure if it's okay to stay at a job for the peeople, or should one press on towards the unknown? Should I suspend my job search due to the lack of jobs, or should I press towards opening my own business? If I decide to pursue opening a business, where do I start? Sure, I would love to open a charter school, but I couldn't tell you where to start!
So, that leaves me here; paralyzed with confusion and perhaps a little fear. I pray that these feelings will leave and direction and a sense of purpose with creep back in.
THE QUARTER LIFE CRISIS continues....
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